You might as well have some fun while you can:

"A jest's prosperity lies in the ear that hears it." - Shakespeare

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Anon

"They'll be making alcohol-free whiskey, next." - Inspector Morse

"Practice random kindnesses and senseless acts of beauty." - Anon

"I want to share my chocolate with Marella!" - Major

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." - George Bernard Shaw

"Here we are, striving for insanity.. yet it is this passion with stupidity that's ironically keeping us sane in the real world of insanity." - GRiPZ

Are You A Penguin?

Originally written in August 1995.
Developed to raise the level of self-awareness amongst members of the penguin community.
Also to promote silliness and lunacy everywhere.

Many people may be penguins without knowing it. To find out if you are one of them, please answer the following questions with 'yes' or 'no'.

1. Do you have webbed feet?
2. Do you wear mainly black and white?
3. Do you have a great fondness for fish?
4. Do you like to hide in the freezer in summer?
5. Do you prefer ice skating to roller skating?
6. Do you have an unreasonable fear of walruses?
7. Is your home decorated primarily in white?
8. Do you have an indoor swimming pool?
9. Would you prefer to go on holiday to Anarctica than to Hawaii?
10. Are you small and cute?

If you answered 'no' to every question, there is no possibility that you are a penguin.

If you answered 'yes' to one to six questions, you might be a penguin.

If you answered 'yes' to seven or more of the questions, there is a strong possibility that you are a penguin. Consult a qualified squawkologist to find out.